Monday, 7 July 2014

Ask me to assist you
Not of opinion
I don't give my opinion
And I assist you
Once assisted
Ask me my opinions
And when they negate
Ask me why I didn't say so in the first place.

Ask me to assist you
I give you my opinion
And next thing I know
My opinions are unhelpful and I should just
Listen to your instructions
And not deviate
'Simple as that'
'I don't understand why you have to be such a fucking girl'


There's no pleasing you.

Sunday, 29 June 2014

You and I have Different Scales of Tragedy.

I could go away

I could pretend

it never happened

that way I could stop hurting on the inside

and you could stop hearing my outsides tell you about my insides


you could stop asking why I'm sad

and I could stop telling you lies 

To make you feel ok

To make you feel like a person


But 

I

feel so alone.
I don't feel like a person anymore.



maybe 

I could go away

so all of this could go away.





Self worth.

You stripped it all away.


So now 

maybe

I could go away.






Thursday, 26 June 2014

Hasty Haiku

Where is my meaning?
...They say it's hidden in stars
What fucking liars.

I've been to the stars
In my sleep where I have seen
Nothing but zeroes

The zeroes; they whizz...
Exploding into the sky
Fading into dust.

Is that what it means?
I live, love and then I die
Fading into ash?


Sunday, 15 June 2014

Prelude to What is to Be

So this is how it begins.

Disseminating thoughts to anyone and everyone who is literate. 

Hello future me... why am I doing this, you ask? 
Well, here's an interesting fact. Growing up, I used to keep a diary and then I graduated to blogspot; 
I feel as though I could remember everything back then as clearly as if they happened yesterday. 

I've always had this knack for erasure. I have an aptitude for identity destruction; not physically breaking things (although that has happened) but deleting things, throwing out objects and items of sentimental value. Materiality and ownership of these 'things' never really struck a chord with me while I grew up. I suppose I felt that these sentimental 'things' would bind me and shape me into a fixed form, someone mundane and boring, doomed to be stuck with a static personality.

But lately everything has been a bit of a blur. I feel as though I have been overly complacent with the things I do, the people I meet and my recollection of things.. and more importantly, the things I say and the thoughts I make. Premature opinions, overly melancholic perceptions, warped deductions. I am putting them out on the table.






 I definitely do not want to find myself, decades later, on a bench, in a park all white haired and oblivious to everything that has happened to me.

Every now and then I am enveloped in fleeting moments of nostalgia when I stumble across an old memory which strikes me as hilarious in retrospect and I would also love to keep these here. Who knows, I might decide to publish a scandalous, tell-all autobiography some time in the future. 


So yes, future me. take note;

-This is another beginning of you and the different people you may or may not become.